Go to the well (focus on relationships and marriage)

We recently visited a couple we are friends with and the husband narrated how they met each other...at a prayer group. A close friend of the gentleman also met his wife at the same prayer group. As our conversation continued, I also brought up how I met my wife at a youth group meeting at church.

Before some get the wrong idea- church is not a dating club- that's not what this piece is advocating. In all instances, we had all gone to these meetings without any intention that we would meet our life partners. In fact, I had already been part of the youth group for a while and at the very first meeting when my (now) wife came- that’s where it resonated in my spirit and in my heart that there was something special about this lady who I was seeing for the first time...well that’s a story for another day J

As the conversation continued, I pointed out something which I always say to my wife regarding the issue of relationships- one needs to ‘go to the well’.  This statement is in reference to the story of Rebekah in the Bible who became Isaac’s wife (Abraham’s daughter in law). For the full story read Genesis 24 the whole chapter. Although many might be praying and trusting God for a wife or husband, some do not position themselves by being open to interacting in contexts where such relationships can be birthed.

A summary of the story goes as follows; Abraham was old and did not want his son Isaac to marry a lady in the region where they were staying. He asked a servant to go in search of a wife for Isaac from Abraham’s people. The servant went to the well around the time when ladies would draw water. 

He started praying for God to guide him so he would meet the right lady for his master’s son.

v12 Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” 

15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. 17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”18 “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. 19 After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.” 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

  

These are the some of the key lessons which one draws from the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

1) Purpose

Any relationship which you will get into whether plutonic or platonic should be entered into with the understanding of the purpose thereof. The late Dr Myles Munroe once said, ‘When the purpose of something is not known, abuse is inevitable.’ Getting married just because you are getting old, all your friends are married, you feel lonely etc. without understanding the purpose of marriage will result in you abusing yourself, your partner and the institution of marriage.

Abraham said. v7 “The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring (seed) I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.

The reason why Abraham did not want Isaac to go back to his native country was because of the promise God had given him. Attached to that promise was a purpose, Abraham’s descendants were to occupy that land. Although the servant was being asked to look for a wife for Isaac, Abraham was seeing beyond the marriage of his son- to the results which the union would bring about.

In deciding to get married, you need to understand the purpose for which God has created you. As a man you will not be able to recognise the suitable helper if you actually don’t know what you need help with. The same goes for the woman, if you don’t know your purpose it is possible to be swept of your feet (in all sense of the word) by any random guy. You will not know what you have been equipped with and how your purposes complement and complete each other.

2) Place

When I look at the stories of people around me who are married where they met ranges from prayer groups, youth groups, university societies, social clubs, mutual friend’s outings etc. Although every person is different, one thing is certain- you will not meet your future wife or husband when you close yourself out from interacting with people in different contexts.

You still must know this- you must not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This is the reason Abraham instructed the servant to go back to where his kinsmen where i.e. members of the same family. Family refers to those one shares the same blood with. We are of the same family because of the work of Calvary.

3) Position

The servant knew that what he had been asked to do was not something he could rely on his own ability and capacity. Abraham might have told him the place which he was meant to be in, he strategically went to a place where he knew ladies would be present. Rather than going from house to house knocking and searching for the wife.

Inasmuch as there was the physical positioning- being at the well, for him to choose the right wife he needed to be positioned spiritually; v12 “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.” Trusting God for a wife or husband means you need to seek Him to position you in the place He has intended for you to be in.

I remember I used to tell a close friend of mine when we were in varsity that I did not want to look for a job in a place where God did not intend for me to be. I told my friend I did not want to end up being elsewhere when the woman who was supposed to be my wife was elsewhere. God is the one who worked out His purposes by helping me be planted and positioned in the city where I am and in the ministry which I have been part of for the past 10 years.

4) Precision

Although the story focuses on Rebekah, there were many other ladies who were present at the well around the same time she got there; verse 13 “See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water...” Had the servant relied on just his natural eyes, he most likely would have missed out on the real deal.

In his prayer he was specific in pointing out what qualities he wanted. Psalm 37:5 is a key verse which I live by, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” When you pray and are precise, you give God something to work with. The woman had to a) agree to give him water to drink, b) offer some water to the camels- without being asked [see verse 14].

When I was in my 2nd year of university, I remember listening to a program on CCFM where the teaching was about marriage and how one needs to know the qualities they are looking for in their spouse. I was 19 (turning 20) at the time and I recall writing out 5 things which I regarded as being of utmost importance. Having prayed about these and known God had endorsed the list- I knew He would guide me when the time came. As a safeguard I also asked Him to use the close people in my life to bring me to order in the event that I would be missing the mark.

You might be praying for a husband or a wife and God has already brought them to you but your eyes are not open to seeing them. They are most likely in your circle of friends (you might even have friend-zoned them) but because of not having been specific/precise in your prayer, you don’t know the answer to your prayer is literally at the door (read Acts 12 especially verse 13-16).

  

5) Price

Getting into a relationship and getting married comes at a price, and one must be prepared to pay the price. When Rebekah had gone to the well, most likely she thought it was going to be like just another day. A casual reading of her offer to water the camels makes one miss out on the price she had to pay. According to this article,”...a thirsty camel can drink as many as 30 gallons (135 liters) of water in about 13 minutes.” Genesis 24v10 “Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master...v19 After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.”

Assuming the camels were not thirsty even if one drank 50 litres, it means for all ten- Rebekah had to draw out about 500 litres of water. To bring understanding to those who have never used a well (not a borehole which pumps out water), one has to lower a jar on a rope into the well to bring out water and then pour it into a container. In this case Rebekah was pouring into a trough.

Paying the price is in all regards for the man and woman getting into a relationship; spiritually (praying and fasting), emotionally (opening up a space of your heart you had never before), physically (needing to take care of yourself, grooming etc), relationally (there are some friendships you might need to let go off etc) and materially (there are some outflows which need to happen of financial resources).

The servant went with camels which were v10“...loaded with all kinds of good things...” in a relationship one (man and woman) needs to be prepared that there will be these material flows. For the man be prepared as her family want for you to pay lobola- there’s a price to pay. Verse 22 “When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka [i.e. about 1/5 ounce or about 5.7 grams] and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels [about 4 ounces or about 115 gram].” All in all the gold was 120.7 grams (4.26 ounces).

Using the gold price from 13 July 2015 $1158 per ounce in rands R14,389. The total value of the gold nose ring and the two bracelets was therefore R14,389 x 4.26 = R61,310. There you have it...lobola did not start being pricey today J.

Conclusion

The lessons outlined above (Purpose, Place, Position, Precision and Price) although in the context of marriage can be applied to many other areas of your life.  May God bless you richly.

   

PS:

To my wife Constance Zingoni, happy 2 years 7 months for tomorrow the 15^th of July. I love you and I thank God for revealing to me my purpose before we met and doing the same for you. The place was Cape Town at Gospel Ramah Church where God positioned both of us to be able to meet each other. The precise way in which we both had been praying before we knew each other plays out in our union- we got that which we prayed for and more. We have paid the price and continue doing so but what we are getting is of far much more value. I love and appreciate you mudiwa we moyo wangu, sthandwa senhliziyo yami. Nina kupenda sana.